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Ha! Style​.​.​.

by Brandon Postman

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1.
Jessica - You turned me down And I thought real hard about skipping town Instead I'm making unprecedented change I'm growing accustomed to the pain The only things I like today are pain and crossdressing The only things I like today are pain and crossdressing Jessica - You made me cry I hear you're still going out with the other guy But I don't mind - I'm doing okay I'm learning to accept the endless pain The only things I like today are pain and crossdressing The only things I like today are pain and crossdressing The only things I like today are pain and crossdressing The only things I like today are pain and crossdressing Oh, fuck me fuck me fuck me now
2.
Can you pull me away? I burn my palms, but it feels okay When the stove's still warm And I'm still trying to keep hold Are you running away? I'm burning up, and you've cooled my skin before I was willing to take A little less than I was ready to give You Once our pockets were filled Now we just fill 'em with our fingers And we're looking for warmth In the folds of our clothes Once my hands were filled All the spaces filled in with your fingers That's when I was full I was ready for anything with You
3.
Bad Call 04:06
I wanted to build a home for you and me Since last I saw you, the feeling's grown exponentially Now that you're not a part of my life, I'm looking for a fix that's right And that tantrum was a bad one I thought that you could see me for me Was rather shocked when you thought so differently It's been a shot in my arm - I don't get to make you my star And a ransom would be a handsome bad call I'm gonna work this out for me - And I hope you're happy It took an awful lot of time to help you do the math And all those hours, I would never give them back And though it's suicide for me, don't wanna push you out of my memories Or this song - Yet another bad call If it wasn't obvious that I was serious Then you're oblivious and blind Though it doesn't help this moron who's got you on his mind It was just a one night stand offered by a friend To the end, but only of the night Since you laid me down, I haven't stood upright So I'm a crooked figure with a crooked set of teeth Singing constantly, "Whoa, Mercy Mercy Me" And there's no dentist that can save 'em I'm crooked down to my cranium And our last call was the very worst one And I regret the things I said I guess you found your happiness And this was another of my pitfalls I'm gonna work this out for me - Someday, I'll be happy I'm not gonna need you for me - To make me happy I'm gonna work this out for me - And I hope you're happy I'm gonna work this out for me - Oh! Help me be happy!
4.
Relieved 04:37
I'm supposed to be Getting ready for my day Instead I'm sitting here Fear I still have things to say I would rather be Easy to control Not so deep in thought Impossible to console This is a challenge To have a talent that doesn't pay I could live simply If I enjoyed the bank "Thank you very much- Have a splendid day" I wouldn't have to hide my thoughts Behind a slate of gray Particularly dark In a sunset-watching screenplay This is a challenge To have a talent that doesn't pay This is a torch song I'm passing on into another plane And tacking on my resume Oh, to be relieved! It's my dream But in the last one, you were running away Won my heat Not good enough to make it to the main event There it went Pass the reefer, dude I'm down and I don't want to think this through Oh, to be relieved! It's my dream But in the last one, you were running away From me, through a shutting door Our friend appeared to try to cure me It wasn't much - only a hug God, let that be enough! Because I'm going insane! Oh, to be relieved! It's my dream But in the last one, you were running away
5.
Ashtray 03:38
Yet another stay in the DMH Start the ECT - Took the ACT Got a thirty-three - But you took my mindfulness away I was very wrong - about where I belonged Had a target locked in - Now my stuff's in boxes Am I the one that's toxic? Doesn't take long for my thoughts to go astray Is it an ashtray, my life? I try to press play, but it doesn't sound right Left to be alone for another night I'm a backup plan - You say I'm in your purse It isn't comfy, but I guess I've lived through worse You say you trust in me But it's not enough to give your heart away I was very wrong - I thought that I could do this for one night But the next day, the warmth I had felt stayed I'm in a bad state, my wife I'm being honest with you - You're second in my mind And with you, I'll be alone for another night Husband's a CPA - I wonder what that pays I wonder what it stands for - I didn't go to school for this - To witness this kiss I was so very wrong - I couldn't blow my cover You weren't ready, but I wanted to be your lover You didn't mean to tease But every word you said was further coaxing me You say I'm your gay - best friend forever You introduced me to your friend Trevor But I'm no longer interested in pulling knobs and levers Is it an ashtray, my life? I try to press play, but it doesn't sound right Left to be alone for another night In decay
6.
Saturday morning, drinking tea alone Aldous Huxley sitting on the coffee table Seven wonders - One of them is you And I am calmly delusional Embracing thoughts that won’t do at all Saturday afternoon, alone with a brew Go to the kitchen - Cooking up my own stew Stir the pot - It’s all that I’ve got Calmly getting delusional - I won’t make no excuses, y’all I am letting sanity fade - Staring slack-jawed up at the rain I’m trying not to think about you Instead, I think of evil I could do I can’t focus for the knife of me Razor life - I hope that’s alright Saturday evening, nothing in my plans I told my sister I was busy with the band I told the band I was working overtime I told the boss I couldn’t come in tonight I told the Postman to say I wasn’t in I told myself not to ask no stupid questions But he told me to go pick up his guitar, and Accepting calmly delusional No worries when you let your conscience flow I am letting insanity come ‘Cause the more you think, the more you feel dumb I am calmly delusional Embracing thoughts that won’t do at all Can’t get back when you’re in this deep Maybe this time, I won’t just sleep
7.
I was only trying to have some fun Before you said that ya had to run I wonder if you’ll make it through I’ve known a couple who played it cool I said, “I think you’re wise - I read your book” You said you think I’m clever, and gave that look I could be wrong, ‘cause I got my doubts I wonder if you’ll make it out Don’t go up to the man in the sky Without giving me a kiss goodbye I saw you first, but now I’ve seen your picture around I would follow you down I was only trying to have some fun Before you said that ya had to run I wonder if you’ll make it through I’ve known a couple who played it cool But it’s not cool if you end up the same way On repeat, the last song that you played I ain’t been bored in months, but I’ll get there If you can’t get used to the big scare I was only trying to have some fun Before you said that ya had to run I could be wrong, ‘cause I got my doubts I wonder if you’ll make it out Don’t go back to the corner store That’s enough, if your head is sore I hope you last, but I’ve see your picture around You’ve got a brand new frown Did not see it when we were tight Though I saw you through a couple of nights And any second, I’m afraid you’ll choke On your father’s favorite rope I was only trying to have some fun Before you said that ya had to run I wonder if you’ll make it through I’ve known a couple who played it cool I said, “I think you’re wise - I read your book” You said you think I’m clever, and gave that look I could be wrong, ‘cause I got my doubts I wonder if you’ll make it out
8.
Head of a boy Up in a state Ahead of the times But born too late Where is he looking now? Face of a girl Impressed in his mind Isn't she pretty? Isn't she fine? Why is she looking away? Pensively piercing Peers at the palace Guess that'll do, though Broken and callous Ballast the boots Bastille day is coming Batten the hatches Blow off the summons Call them the kippers in Texas Ones that are whispering hexes I didn't vote for the elected Wonder if I will get beheaded Head of a boy Lost in a cave Echoing info Out for his fate Why is he looking down?
9.
Lumiose 03:29
I didn't jump today I'm gonna say that again tomorrow For a minute, I thought I was sane And thought I heard the voice to follow Because nothing's really anything I'm barely alive, or I'm dying So I might as well make it interesting Before I'm gone I think I'm over the loss today But I'll be back again tomorrow For a year, I've gone back and forth Looking for the voice to follow Because nothing's really anything You live how you want, or you fall asleep And the last time's not worth anything So I am gone I'm never going back to- I'm talking back to- I'm taking back my- I'm changing up my- I'm losing my mind I'm doing what I want I might as well be a star today And might as well burn out tomorrow I had a handful of something good I'll have a little more for the ride home Because nothing's really anything You take what you want, and you fall asleep- I wasn't even trying, because it didn't make any sense Too many what-if's will serve me early I'm never going back to- I'm talking back to- I'm taking back my- I'm changing up my- I'm losing my mind I'm doing what I want Doing what I want It's what I want
10.
I've caught a feeling Maybe you were right - Maybe this is all Up at my ceiling Into the light - And on my walls My heart is seeking Feelings that feel right - Feel like they won't fall What is this 'sleeping'? I stay up every night - I stay out of sight I'm still afraid that I'll run across your way With nothing new to say - Nothing to explain All my analogies and my apologies My folding to my knees won't sway you back to me I was caught stealing In my peripherals - Shoulda made my call Was she worth keeping? I won't ever know - Moving way too slow I've just been creeping Taking my sweet time making up my mind My heart's been seeking Something that reminds - Something that is like Something I used to like Something that tasted right When placed upon my tongue Inhaled into my lungs Something for which I've sung An oxytocin drug A bee that hasn't stung They only get to once...
11.

about

I'm tired of sitting on material. So here's a purge!

Don't let the pastel colors fool you- I wrote the bulk of these songs instead of going through my carefully plotted plan to accelerate across 5 lanes of traffic, piledrive through a concrete barrier, and plummet off the side of the I-480 bridge and splatter Valley View with my beautiful sanguine entrails!!

Many visits to scheduled therapy sessions and unscheduled stays in psychiatric wards have got me feeling much better. And good riddance, now I don't have to ruminate on any of these songs anymore. And I STILL have 5 albums of material on my hard drive to dwell on.

Every dollar spent on these shitty lo-fi demos will go into my fund to record the next album professionally.

I hope maybe the nature of these demos might help you or someone you know deal with the dark stuff, and accept the courage to put it into a creative outlet rather than a destructive one.

These demos were recorded between November 2012 and May 2020.

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released May 29, 2020

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Brandon Postman Cleveland, Ohio

POSTMAN:

AFTER WE'RE GONE, WHAT WILL LIVE ON?

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